Half-year Review: June 2021

Oh 2021, how you flew. We're now marching on to the halfway mark of the year and boy, a lot had happening since the time I was away from this space. It's almost irrational to believe that everything happened out of pure coincidence.

A few major milestone:

• I did a career switch - an entirely new role (hint: KPIs) in a tech company. It's been a month since I've started and it's definitely been a whole new ball game. Bonus is that I managed to exceed my ramp targets this month ^_^v. 
• I acquired a road bike finally and with it, a cycling buddy-confidante-personal welfare officer-very nice guy- in essence, a partner in all the romantic sense. 
• Ended my rent outside with best #landlordseva and I have since been home. 
• Became a morning person again, as I type this in the wee hours of the night, ironically.. 
• This list is non-exhaustive.

Life at the moment feels rather surreal. It is as if all these micro decisions I have made so far has resulted in the creation of this amalgamation of a picture of my life I can visually see at this very moment. As much as there were many events that happened that were completely out of my control, somehow luck finds itself at midpoint where preparation meets opportunity.

There were a few key things I've learn:

• A growth mindset that we can always learn new things if we take time and effort
• How vital it is to learn to feel feelings: the good and especially, the bad. 
• Being infinitely curious and empathetic makes you a better listener and communicator.
• What it means to be human: a flawed being and that we can constantly making marginal adjustments to improve, adjust and adapt. 
• Creating spaced consistency, in essence learning to pause and rest. And while at it, appreciating the normality of the ordinary and how ordinary be defined so differently to different people. 

Throughout these months, I learned to internalise what it meant that personal fulfilment and success can be non-binary, and completely individualistic. It's still a personal struggle and I'm glad I'm getting somewhere. But what I found is that is so much joy learning in embracing adversities and tackle challenges genuinely rather than to simply accept them begrudgingly. 

The question begs: where's the fun in having everything put together so easily? Doing things would feel like a means to an end.

I like a fun challenge.

Monthly Review: March 2021

I've been away from this space for quite some time now - quite some time if you considered the frequency I've published in 2020. 

My lifestyle took a drastic change; I've been recalibrating my priorities, adjusting how I view life in general and how I've have been doing things. I long for that sense of epiphany again. 

Additionally, I've had a few personal milestones. For one, I'm finally able to drive on my own after having a Class 3 driving's licence for more than half a decade (thank you, me or really, my dad who decided I should be driving), I had the chance to sit at the adult table at work (pretty fun) and I rekindled with an old hobby of mine. I learned to rest, like, completely doing utter nothingness kind of rest.

I learned how to focus on what was important to me, oxymoronically this was a hard topic for me, it was hard to realise for that matter. It felt for a period of time, I was really going through the motion, I had a personal fear that I would wind up becoming that half-hearted lazy person I was during my adolescent years.. that I didn't live up to my potential, that I was afraid of having lost years again. Perhaps I got too carried away with that thought, to a point it got exhausting. 

What or who am I trying to prove? Honestly, no one really gives a ****.

In the short span of 2021, there were quite a number of key lessons I've picked up. I thought I would document them in this space in case I would like to revisit them again (God knows I never ever read my handwritten journals, ever, thanks to ugly handwriting).

1) A tool is only useful if you know how to use it

Saw this on my friend's blog, and dang it was true af. In such a fast paced era we live that has been becoming increasingly competitive, there's this fear of having to stay relevant and marketable. I've seen "coding"," data scientist", "learning language" getting thrown around as if everyone has to be a complete expert in order to stay relevant. Heck, no. From what I've learned, yes they are important but if there's no application, they are as good as obsolete. These newly acquired skills get stashed at the back of your brain, waiting to be forgotten. You kinda just need enough to do what you need (then learn from there) or to properly communicate with others on these topics.

2) The answers are never and will never will be black and white

(FYI. I'm not talking about math here if you think I'm referring to 1+1=2.)

I don't know if it's because of Singaporean's education system or my personal fear to view failure as wasted time, but truly, there's a need to experience that sense of falling short in order to fully understand and appreciate progress. As I've constantly mentioned to myself (excuse the amount of reminders I need to tell myself), there will never be a cookie cutter solution. I've seen it and done it in both my work and personal life, attempting to bring in a "model solution" into a company only to realise that the real world does not work that way, trying to imitate the regimes of people who succeeded in certain things. I somehow always end up falling short or faring worse than I initially did. To a large extent, having an initial set of instructions does help, but allowing yourself to fail and flexible allows for better conclusions (God, sometimes I love that I was an Arts student in uni). As the yogis put it, everyone is on their own journey.

3) Spaced consistency is key

Having that space to breathe and rest allows for sustainability and rekindled motivation. Allow a state complete rest and to work on frivolous things - many have coined this as "self care". Even more so, new and better ideas can even come from here.

To conclude, I guess, as with us physically, the state of mind is ever changing. Be it as it may, there's no one logical answer to answer life's questions. How do we logically answer everything we do/choose? and if we chose to do something and decide that our answers had changed later, should we be ridiculed just because it is not what we initially sought out to do? No. Our external environment is constantly changing, thoughts are constantly evolving, ever changing. If I said something now, perhaps in a few years things may change, just as we gain new knowledge and perspective. Perhaps this is how human kind has progressed, resulting in the undulated views of life across different generations. In all honesty, this conclusion is a tough one for me to swallow. Yet, somehow there is a beauty in it, in a way that you will always have that chance to choose, to rest, to rediscover.. Alright I'm not going to be all philosophical here but the point is, life is a journey not a destination. 

Ok back to watching and reading Coraline theories online and why Chinese women did foot binding in the past (ugh)... 

Goodnight.

Monthly Review: January 2021

January had been a month of restoration and rediscovery. 

I dedicated this month to work on tasks at a much slower but more deliberate pace, focusing on staying in a single direction at one time. Be it reading every word in a book, concentrating on every brush stroke pressed against the canvas, working on each inhalation and exhalation of the breath while holding a yoga pose or dedicating awareness in each isolation in dance. 

Paradoxically, the decision to move at a slower pace resulted in fulfilling requests and ticking off check boxes at a much faster pace. It made me aware of how distracted my mind once was, engulfed with the fear of missing out and the noise of society. I gained a deeper understanding of the lightness of stillness, what it meant to take action in staying present. In a way, I discovered a higher sense of self confidence in the midst of noise. 

Yoga was life-changing to say the least.

Monthly Review: 2020 in Summary

It's new year's eve.

Mindless rant

December had always been a peculiar month for me in some unfortunate way. This time I was down with dengue, had fever and was bedridden for a week, then having little to no energy for the next and got warded for low blood platelet count. For a moment, I felt like I took my health for granted and experienced a mini existential crisis (what is real life, is this a social construct I'm following? Blue pill or the red pill? What.)

As always, as the year ends, the energy in me depletes, the intrinsic motivation deteriorates and I've somehow transcended into an idle state of mind that I want to do absolutely nothing, then it triggers another existential crisis and then I go through the tantamount to a vicious cycle - such is life.

Is ignorance is a bliss? Should everyone be subjected to conformity? Would society function better that way? The illusion of choice? An top down approach (i.e. an authoritarian economy) would prove more efficient? Then what happens to creative disruption and innovative exuberance? eh stop questioning life la abi, gosh. 

Okok misery aside, I thought it would be nice to summarise this year.

2020 in summary

2020 felt particularly long. The world paused for an unexpectedly brief moment that created a ripple in a series of events, amounting to significant shifts in the way we worked and lived, from a macro policy/economic/organisational level down to the individual. The year felt delirious, rather different and unexpected. At least within my own circle of friends, it's of a general consensus that the year coerced us to pause, to think a little harder and question own personal beliefs and perspectives a little more . 

Personally, 2020 hit a little harder, I've made pivotal decisions that threaded along the grey areas of what is viewed as a norm here in Singapore. I took a leap of faith in many of my own personal choices - in terms the values I wanted to uphold, the kind of lifestyle I wanted to live and the kind of people I wanted to hang out with. These decisions heavily influenced how I felt, that gradually shaped my outlook towards life. I believe that it has been for the better. I've become more aware about myself, not only with age and experience. As difficult as it is, I constantly strive to accept myself as a person in terms of the good, bad and ugly. 

That said, here's an extremely brief summary of the milestones I had for 2020. 

Milestones for 2020

January - 

• started the year completely burned out from 2019
• accomplished almost all my monthly goals
• decided to be consistent on this blog 
• made a habit tracker

February -

• went to the only and very last overseas trip of the year to JB, Malaysia - so sed but was fun 
• Mercer Debates Champions woot woot but I'm still a little salty I didn't get to eat that fancy dinner.. > : - ( heeh

March -

• took a leap of faith an changed my job for the first time in my career life!
• lockdown happened 

April -

• completed my monthly personal finance tracker thingy in terms of expenditure, insurance and investment - in a way, it changed how I viewed money
• questioned my life quite a bit at this point

May -

• picked up a paintbrush and did a 30-day challenge

June -

• picked up a paintbrush and did ANOTHER 30-day challenge - this was crazy tiring but pretty nice to look back on

July -

• role in my new job expanded
• moved out of my parents' place omg
• voted for the first time for Singapore's general elections ^_^ stayed up late to watch the elections (this was dam fun lol)

August - 

• I am officially in the late 20s (how is this even a milestone lol)
• decided to clock some running mileage 
• healthy living (OKAY this I ADMIT WAS TOUGH)
• independent life is awesome :P ok only if you live with the right people haha

September -

• met someone super cool and interesting (how is this a mile stone no.2)
• decided to relive uni days with uni friends and did a case competition 

October -

• got my wisdom teeth pulled out by a student - she did a dam good job btw~
• finish another series of artwork heeh - sloths 

November -

• case comp ended with us being top 5, this was both tiring and fun :P (yes I have very limited vocabulary - everything is fun..) 

December -

• contracted dengue for the second time in my life, got hospitalised, existential crisis, life has its way of throwing curve balls
• couldn't go to the art exhibit that I wanted to because I was sick sed

Other milestones not quantifiable in months

• Blogged super consistently (to date, I am still very amazed with myself) 
• Never used a planner so consistently in my life
• Never painted so much in a year in my life
• Read the most number of books in my entire life (18!) 
• Clocked in >1000km this year - I recorded my runs in too many different places lol 
• Learned so much more about myself mentally and physically 
• Spent my time more wisely, maybe a little too wisely.. 
• Spent more quality time with people I cared about

Summary

While the moments I've mentioned were the more positive series of events, there were many instances that broke me as well. Instances that made me question decisions I made, times where felt really ugly and hated myself, occasions where I completely struggled and burned out. Then again, this is life and how we grow. Life has its ways of throwing curve balls. Funnily, knowing this, it taught me to be more aware about people's own personal struggles and how I approached conversations, learning to be sympathetic, empathetic where possible and compassionate. We're all works in progress and what's to hate in that? Reciprocally, I am extremely thankful for supportive colleagues, ex-colleagues, friends and family who accept parts of me that aren't all that pretty. I hope I'll never take these for granted, ever.

If there were one quintessential takeaway from 2020, it's interesting how "luck" or "chance" can be partly determined by how you choose to look at your own life. It sounds so simple yet conveniently ignored by many and a constant struggle for those who are aware.

That said, as 2020 draws to a close, I'm grateful for the experiences that came, the struggles that I've encountered and the sweet moments that I was able to feel. 

I'm hopeful 2021 will be a better year :)

Goodbye 2020, thanks for the ride.

 

ps. I really wanted to put some moments in 2020 with people inside but I'm abit lazy lol - might do it later, might not. :>

Monthly Review: November

November felt been particularly exhausting.

Started out the month on a relative high, yet subsequently it felt as if I was going through the motion. Life felt like a chore. I was unmotivated, unfocused, uninspired. I felt myriad of emotions, mostly lackadaisical. Things didn't feel so right, didn't go so right. These feelings eventually led to the reduction of my online presence in the last few days of November.

I spent more time trying to dig a little deeper, writing my thoughts down in pen and paper instead of typing it out. The choice of medium was definitely much more tedious and disorganised, yet in a way, my thoughts felt less caged, more fluid, more organic, which was really pleasant.

That said, November's goals were more.. intangible.. less quantifiable, more on the "woo-woo" side of things:

1. reflect more deeply/ journal once a week - 1. definitely did and needed.
2. blog once a week - 0. didn't post an entry in the last 2 weeks, oops.
3. read a book - 1. finished 1 book. Good Economics for Hard Times -  Abhijit V. Banerjee and Esther Duflo (was an interesting but heavy read.. or maybe it was a November thing)
4. get a damn bike - 0. proving impossible > : - (
5. be more focused in the present - 1/2. hmmm felt like a half half thing for me. 
6. 
   

Things that went well - ok as much as I spent the first half of my entry expressing my negative feelings for this month, there were some awesome moments haha.

1. Managed to relive my uni days (virtually mostly lol) with my uni friends again doing a case competition.  Though tiring and tedious, it felt like there was a reason we could spend time together. I really enjoyed this :)
2. I'm grateful for my bosses who constantly look out for me and are willing to give me opportunities despite me struggling (REALLY I feel both guilty and lucky).  Plus fun too lol.
3. I enjoyed spending time with my fake parents (i.e. my landlords) this month, super chill, open minded and awesome couple haha.

What can improved on - many lol, but here's three:

1. I wanna work on learning to communicating better, articulating my thought more simply (I tend to get v longwinded lol). 
2. Be more focused in living in the present and finding that intrinsic motivation again or.. maybe it's a break I need. 
3. Copying October's point: I think I can learn to "chill" a little bit better.

Okay short and sweet entry because I had a long (and rather accomplished ^^) day. Goodnight world.

Monthly Review: October

I've been going in and out of sleep today post wisdom teeth extraction. In some way, it reminded me how deprived I am of a proper break. It felt timely. It felt good.

October was an interesting month: I had many many positive moments, some dull, trying moments and fleeting fulfilling moments. October was extremely busy for me but it felt like a good kind of busy, the ones that I feel like I'm moving forward, working towards something though candidly, I really needed a proper respite. 

The month I had set up some goals for myself:

1. be better at C&B - 1. always a learning journey, I feel like I'm starting to understand the businesses in my firm better now :)
2. be better at global mobility - 1. NOT QUITE THERE YET. but dang I really learned a lot this month, like. a lot. daaang. hahaha
3. complete a series of paintings - 1. I DID woah. to be frank I thought I would have given up on this goal this week but deadlines do work their magic when it comes to completing something. I'm quite proud of completing this one :) you can see the works here (1) (2)
4. blog once a week - 1. don't know how I managed to do this but I did... somehow.. some shitty posts.. but hey still did right #selfconsolation
5. eat more healthily - 1. 
6. read 1 book - 1/2. I've been reading good economics for hard times for quite some time now and it seems like I've been taking forever to complete it but yet again I don't really want to rush it through just to complete it by October.
7. get a bike - 0. why is everything I want sold out why.

Things that went well:

• spent quality time with people I cared about and I really liked that
• felt like I learned a lot and was given a lot of opportunities at work this month, like A LOT.
• managed to spend some time after office hours virtually with the econs uni friends this month on a small case project (to nurse the nostalgia :P) and we somehow managed to move forward into the next round - what are we haha. 

what can be improved on:

• I haven't been sleeping very well recently, I'm not entirely sure what's the source of this issue
• there were moments I felt pretty overwhelmed. Albeit very short moments, I personally feel this can be a slippery slope. I think I could manage it better by taking one step at a time and being in the present
• I think I can learn to "chill" a little bit better. 2020 has been a really weird year for work and to find reasons to take leave (gosh. why do I sound like a workaholic, I'm really not lol) I really should.

Anyway fun part! Below is a collage of a few of my favourite and extra favourite moments in picture format (please excuse narcissism #selflove), these are not exhaustive :)

(I said I was going to rest today yet somehow I managed to whip up an entire entry and properly curate my pictures for this entry. but this was nice :))

Monthly Review: September 2020

It's October already? Dang time flew. This entry is going to be completely unstructured as with my intent in the month of September.

I haven't been in this space for awhile and I did it intentionally. I've always been itching to update this space for awhile yet I knew I needed some time to take a respite from constantly wanted to be "productive" and make full use of my time to avoid burning out. I knew I had to keep sustainability in mind and sanity in check. I think I made a good call on this. 

I didn't set any goals in September too and with it, the same reasons. 

This month for me was about "letting go" mentally to find out what I really disliked, do what I truly enjoyed doing (and not with brute force of wanting to complete a short-term goal), understand what were the good and bad habits I've acquired and be fully immersed with quality time spent with people. In essence, I took this time to find out what I've become this year by being unapologetically me. 

The whole process consisted of a weird wave of mixed emotions. There were many instances I felt really down and also many instances I felt extremely contented. 

It's scary how cautious I can become when societal norms kick in. I find myself afraid to share my feelings and thoughts because everything feels black and white/ right or wrong - I end up contradicting 100% of my own opinions or when I encounter inconsistencies in my own ventures. I'm always afraid I do not hold true to my word and what I do, that somehow my perspectives would change and I end up being in a limbo of "could have, would have, should have". Yet in life there is indeed no absolutism in anything? everything answers with "it depends" (the consultant in me is screaming internally right now).

I guess I can see why religion or even family marks the center of people's lives - may I elaborate - happy people's lives. It brings consistency, a certain "constant" holding values that stand the test of time. In some way, that "constant" propels you to be certain of the choices made without having fears of rejection or failure because in the person's state of mind, he/she will be accepted somewhere or in someone's eyes.  While I'm still finding this "woo-woo" out, I am pretty glad to obtain some form of awareness on this topic. I hope to get better at this, in good manner.

I just took a brief look at the monthly reviews I did this year and wow, I really grew alot. Funny, at this moment, I didn't feel I tried that hard. "How a year can change you" - truly.

If there's a quote of how 2020 had been for me so far, it would be by Forrest Gump - ""Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get." you gotta learn to enjoy the ride ;)

Monthly Review: August 2020

August passed by extraordinarily quickly! There were so many blessing to count and things I've been working on. This month, I spent more time socialising, getting much more involved in my work and experimenting with new life style changes.

This month, I decided to be more focused when it came to setting goals by setting simpler and more streamlined goals. As a result, it created a huge lift in terms of my bandwidth tax and allowed me to be much more invested in each goal I had set out to work on:

1. eat healthily - 1. healthily in a sense that I eat what I liked but in a balanced setting. This was definitely a huge personal achievement for me and I now enjoy the food I eat much more :)
2. cook more often - 1/2 until the final 2 weeks lol. I am recently obsessed with spinach soups, kiwis and porridges :)
3. enjoy waking up early - 1. I've been waking up at 6am - 7am everyday without an alarm clock.

In addition to my goals I've set, these were some things I managed to follow through as well:

Tangible items

• I'm more or less done with setting up the investment accounts that I've intended this year
• I've managed to set a simple and comprehensive finance and expense tracker for myself
• I finished one book - Talking to Strangers by Malcolm Gladwell
• I'm now starting to fit into my old clothes... I wonder how long this would last :)
• I was still able to blog once a week in August

Mental well-being

• I managed to catch up with my uni friends and family during the weekends which I loved!
• I think I'm becoming a much more genuine and positive person on the whole <3
• I learned to count my blessings
• I learned to trust and enjoy the process better
• I'm starting to enjoy my work a lot more

Alright, that's it. I had an eventful day today. I'm excited for September :)

Monthly Review: July 2020

Goodbye July!  

I started out July being in a huge emotional turmoil, feeling uncertain about everything and anything, feeling like I cut myself short sometimes. But I felt like I ended July on a high note :) Feeling appreciative and thankful about many things. Sometimes you need the bad times to know what are good times right?

There was a bit more focus on health this month and it has been life-changing so far.

Here are my set of goals which have been very incomplete hehe. I decided halfway through the month to focus on specific goals rather than spreading myself thin. It felt pretty liberating from being too hung up on not finishing a particular goal I sought out while being able to far exceed in one/two goals.

• improve on mandarin - 1/2.  
• improve on Indonesian - 0. 
• read one book - 1. read two books 
• Bad Blood by John Carreyrou
• Blink by Malcolm Gladwell
• improve on my painting - 1.
• be better at C&B - 1/2.
• blog once a week - 1.
• cook more often - 1.

Things that went well

1. I learned that living a healthy lifestyle means you that you are still able to eat tasty food. I found a go-to food that I enjoy a lot that cost me 85 cents per meal to make (yea we damn bo-liao decided to count our cost of production for our meal. HAHA) I'm also starting to feel my hangry-ness going away. 
2. I feel more thankful for the people around me both at work and in my personal life, especially this month when I felt so uncertain about myself, sometimes you don't appreciate the people around you enough.
3. I think I'm starting to find a lot more joy in my routines and lifestyle without having to "force" myself - I'm not sure how to clearly explain this.

Things that I can improve on

1. Patience for everything
2. Focus on what you can control
3. Don't forget to always enjoy the process :)

I'm excited for August :)

Monthly Review: June 2020

(just me chilling at balcony with two dogs constantly 

FOMO-ing around the human beings present in this house)

Goodbye June, you've been delirious! A few milestones, a few big decisions, a few personal battles but hey, that's life right?

I was a lot more relaxed when it came to setting up the personal goals for June. I wanted to prevent myself from being too overwhelmed. In the end, I felt like I've done much more than I've expected :)

• improve on mandarin - 1. I did, finally! I'm so happy I did this, I feel like I've been improving on this and I'm pretty happy people are so encouraging about this *touched*
• improve on Indonesian - 1/2. I'm working on it, figuring out grammar here there everywhere. it's a mess hehe.
• work on my Instagram page - 1. yes thus far, I've been hopping between blogging and posting Instagram 
• read 1 book - 1. read one book: Sapiens A Brief History of Humankind - Yuval Noah Harari
• have proper full meals - 1. now that I've moved out, I've been cooking more than I've been and I've been really liking my very quick and simple meals so far
• improve on my painting - 1. I've been working on this every single day trying to find a style that I like and could develop. Looking back at my own paintings, I've been really digging the new style I've been experimenting on. If it's not obvious enough, I've been trying to inculcated my artworks into my blog to make my experiments more purposeful.
• be better at my professional work - 1. I definitely had days I questioned my ability and credibility. Having a career mentor really helps and I'm so glad I have one that I can confide when it comes to my own personal struggles :)
• blog once a week - 1. once a week and thrice this week :)

Things that went well

• I moved out and have been adjusting well so far (I'll share more on this later)
• finding joy in working on my paintings: I completed two 30-day challenge straight and finding my own style
• reviewed my financial expenditure more often: I'm more willing to spend and I've been spending more wisely and intently
• bonus: I learn to relax when I have to, I feel like my mental well-being check-ins have been better addressed this month

Things that can be improved on

• I hope I can continue being more responsible? I hope I can continue to cook more frequently 
• I think I've haven't been conscientious when it comes to reading, sometimes I feel like I'm going through the motion. I hope I'll do it more purposefully next month
• Can't think of much at the moment

Monthly Review: May 2020

And another month has passed! This month was particularly challenging for me, I found myself feeling aimless about what I wanted to do, why I was doing what I was doing and was deprived of the social interactions I needed during this circuit breaker period. I guess in some way my emotions could be observed in my blogposts.

The things I did didn't make sense anymore - I felt like I was going through the motion. I needed a break from everything and I'm I did. This month, I didn't follow my habit tracker completely - perhaps about 60-70% of times yet some habits do stick. I somehow managed to complete some of my goals.

Thanks friends who decided to video call me, send things over to me I really appreciate the effort :(

•  Stick to a workout regime - 1/2 initially yes, but I felt I was being too hard on myself so I kind of stopped halfway through and switched to regular walks and translated the rest of my energy to watercolour painting haha 
• Read 1 book - 1. I read 3 books this time 
•  Becoming - Michelle Obama 
• I will Teach You to be Rich - Ramit Sethi 
• Ikigai: The Japanese Secret to a Long and Happy Life - Albert Liebermann and Hector Garcia 
• Eat healthily - 1/2 I realised I struggle with this whenever I am at home, but I'm slowly finding out how to 
• Wake up early - 1/2  initially yes, and then I completely failed lol - I'm writing this at 3am in the morning 
• 5 hours to myself per week - 1. of course. Rather, I needed a social life lol 
• Understand my personal finance better - 1. I'm pretty happy with this tbh! I thought I would have failed on this but 3 things I'm proud of - I understand my spending philosophy. I now have a complete tracker with a monthly plan, a regular savings plan, completed insurance coverage, savings and expenditure goal. I'm hoping to refine this! 
• Improve on 1 language - 0 this is a tough cookie lol but hey I still wanna work on this :) 
• Blog once a week - 1.

Things that went well:

• I knew when I was going down a slippery slope and kept myself aware of my issues. Though I still struggle I felt like I knew when I needed to pause to stay afloat. Side note, I finished my 30-day challenge yet again. Crazy! 

Things I could improve on: 

• I feel like I'm too hard on myself sometimes? I was doing things for the sake of doing and I waiting for time to pass very unhealthily. Ikigai was a very timely read for me to take it slow and enjoy the present moment. 

I give thanks to God for this experience and for allowing me to appreciate things better. Though I don't say it at all, I'm really grateful for the people around me. I really made good friends.

Good night~

Monthly Review: April 2020

Phew what a month - April felt longer than usual with the effects of circuit breaker, alongside the socioeconomic roller coaster. There had been many lessons learned and so many moments to be grateful.

Here's April's review:

1. Stick to a workout regime - achieved. I had previously marked this goal as irrelevant owing to the circuit breaker notice. Though at a lower intensity and slower pace I am personally surprised I managed to work out and run 2-4 times per week .
2. Read one book - achieved. I finished two books (the Bullet Journal Method by Ryder Carroll; the Technology Trap by Carl B. Frey)
3. Wake up early - did not achieve. I'm struggling for a proper morning routine at this point. Time and day knows no boundaries at home. I have to modify my routine around this.
4. Blog once a week - achieved. I blog twice per week in April.
5. Have five hours to myself every week - achieved. I wouldn't count this as a goal anymore given the whole situation lol.
6. Understand my personal finances better - achieved. Finally created a simplistic tracker that I know I would religiously update and opened accounts properly. I'm even reading a book about it (the book has a super cheesy title hahah - I love how it's being written in such a "millennial" fashion.) Definitely more to come :)
7. Understand aerospace industry better - achieved. My lunchtime guilty pleasure. My meal breaks were made up of aviation/aerospace news on Youtube. Additionally, making it a point to read just one article about the industry proved extremely useful. (you really don't just read one article because you tend to want to find out more lol)
8. Understand C&B more in depth - achieved. Possibly my proudest personal achievement this month. Still a long way to go but I love how I was - time to time - mind blown by the effects of job grades and salaries.
9. Pick up on one language - did not achieve. Hindsight, I've read 3 pages of the journey to the west (corrected by my book loaner lol)'s children's book in mandarin and typed an email in Indonesian. Send help!

Things that went well

1. I learned to enjoy staying at home (though I was tittering in misery after the announcement 21 April) while working on things I found value in. I even kept on with my 30-day challenge, personally impressed!
2. I had a lot more reflection done that kept me opportunistic during these times. I also learned to be more grateful.
3. Because of what I've been working on these few months in my personal life, I'm able to work so much more efficiently both professionally and personally.

Things I can improve on

1. I struggle more with inertia than with focus this month - I need to be curiously aware about this.
2. Counter to the first point, I also need to find ways to tackle moments of burn out - while I deal with it a lot better now, time to time I need to learn that it is okay to pause without feeling bad!
3. I still struggle with social interactions, especially with circuit breaker - bad texting is my flaw lol :( I'll find a way to work around this.

May may be interesting!

Monthly Review: March 2020

The month of March had been an entire new experience for me: a new role, the whole covid-19 saga and how it's impacting businesses in which my organization has been highly impacted. It's both a scary and opportunistic time.

Anyway, let's get to the crux of the this entry - here are what my goals were for this month:

1. Stick to a workout regime - achieved. While adjusting to my new environment, I found peace and solitude in my new workout regime - most parts consist of running on the tracks. I hit a new personal best in my 5k this month! 
2. Read 1 book - achieved. I finished one book (Factfulness - Hans, Ola and Anna Rosling) I've been reading two very heavy books for this month and progress had been a little bit slower. I do want to make it a point to read purposefully so I ain't mad! 
3. Lose 1 kg - Lost half a kilo but my waist size is becoming smaller - at least that's what I feel! Side note, I ironically achieved my goal of not snacking by cutting out refined sugar this month, I am so amazed with myself! 
4. Wake up early - achieved. For most parts I wake up at 7 am for work now and because of that I wake up at 6.30am/7.30am on weekends. 
5. Understand my financial plan/situation - achieved somewhat. as ironic as it seems with the "guaranteed" recession, I am starting to look at this more intently, I hope to become better at this! 
6. Blog once a week - achieved. I must admit it was a little bit of a struggle but I'm glad I did it.
7. Have 5 hours to myself per week - achieved. I am becoming a purposeful homebody! 
8. Learn a new sport - achieved. Yes I did: climbing! I want to try more, hopefully after the pandemic subsides.
9. Understand C&B on a personal level - achieved. It's part of my job and upon moving into this role, there's definitely a huge learning curve but having said that I felt I've come considerably far in my learning this month! I even learned Power BI and applied it immediately to my work - who knew! 

Things I did well

1. Instead of feeling burned out, my productivity felt fulfilling. I am really grateful for that!
2. Definitely impressed how I've stuck pretty well to my habit tracker despite adapting to a new environment. 
3. I learn to genuinely look at things positively when changes happen rather than sulk and complain, It's something I'm personally not used to - a new mindset I've been embracing this year. 

Things I can improve on

1. I am still adjusting to my new environment I am in. I still feel very dependent on people around me, I hope to be able to be more proactive and independent next month. 
2. I'm starting to be a bit more rigid in terms of how I deal with my days and I hope to better embrace nuances.
3. I struggle when it comes to social interactions because I care so much about focusing on tasks I aim to achieve - I need to let go a little it more.

March has indeed been interesting, I'm looking forward to April!

Monthly Review: February 2020

February was quite a whimsical month, a period of falter and change (I'm moving on to a new role and a new job in a new company!) both mentally and physically. This month threw me a little bit off guard.

While I felt I fell a bit short of what I've aimed to do, I appreciated how habits I've developed in January kept me on track for the unexpected changes this month.

Here's what I'm going to attempt to do to keep myself a little bit more accountable this month: what my goals were and the outcome for this month, PLUS things I did well and things I can improve on.

What my goals were and the outcome for this month

1. Stop snacking - I'm still a snacker, perhaps this can be a goal that can be better modified.
2. Stick to a workout regime - achieved. While I'm swamped with social activities this month, I managed to have a work out 3-4 times each week.
3. Read 1 book - achieved. I finished two books (Billion Dollar Whale - Tom Wright and Bradley Hope, The Charisma Myth - Olivia Fox)
4. Lose 1 kg - social events can be a tough cookie on this one. I'm personally glad I maintained my weight. Oh and bonus, I fit into my old pants!
5. Wake up early - achieved. While I'm waking up a little bit later than 7.30 now, I still wake up between 8.00 - 8.30 on most days.
6. Clear office desk + things - achieved. While I had to, I'm glad I made it point to clear a few items a day at a time. I walked out of the office on my last day carrying nothing.
7. Understand my financial situation - still a working progress, something I hope to work on the next month.
8. Regularly reflect in my blog post - achieved. I post an entry once a week. Having this blog has helped me tremendously in keeping track of myself with the unexpected twists and turns of life.

Things I did well

1. I've managed to stick to my 80% of my habit tracker despite some personal and social roadblocks and changes, a huge win for an emotionallydrivengal94.
2. I felt like I've achieved quite a number of mental epiphanies and breakthroughs this month which I really needed.
3. I've started blogging again and more consistently. I enjoy the structure I have been constantly improving on and creating pointers to remind myself as I look back.

Things I can improve on

1. I still compare myself to others a lot, especially when it comes to social settings. I felt like I put myself down quite bit from mid to end of this month.
2. I feel myself slowly sipping back into that "lazy" unhealthy state which I really do not enjoy. Sometimes I do need to constantly remind myself to live in the present moment.
3. I've been quite impulsive with my words lately. I feel like I can stop, pause and listen more when it comes to having conversations.

I'm hopeful March will be an interesting and fulfilling month!

Monthly Review: January 2020

This year I decided to set goals for myself again, however instead of striving to reach these goals, I focused on creating a system.

I broke things down into simple easy to do steps in order to create a mindset change and gradually a lifestyle. I hope to make it a point to do a monthly review on how I faired in each month and if these small changes in habit did indeed create a system that allowed me to reach my goals.

So here are what my goals were and the outcome for this month:

1. Stop snacking - while I still snack, I have a designated time about when I do it and how I do it. 
2. Stick to a workout regime - achieved. I stuck to my goal of working out 3 - 5 times a week. 
3. Read one book - achieved. I finished three books. (Poor Economics - Abhijit Banerjee and Esther Duflo, Flash Boys - Michael Lewis, Atomic Habits - James Clear) 
4. Lose one kg - achieved. I lost 1- 2kg this month, it fluctuates.
5. Learn to relax - achieved. I learned to drown out unwanted noise and became more focused in the things I needed and wanted to do. 
6. Have five hours to myself every week - achieved. I stay away from social activities and take time to myself once every weekend. 
7. Wake up early - achieved. I wake up at 6 am - 7.30 am without having the need of an alarm clock. 

In all honestly, I'm extremely amazed with myself and how I could achieved all these not with the focus of the end goal but the process. I was never able to achieve these goals and somehow by focusing on small simple easy wins, I managed to fulfil almost all these goals I set out to achieve.

I'm looking forward to review how the next month would be like and if this is indeed something I can possibly sustain.