Monthly Review: March 2021

I've been away from this space for quite some time now - quite some time if you considered the frequency I've published in 2020. 

My lifestyle took a drastic change; I've been recalibrating my priorities, adjusting how I view life in general and how I've have been doing things. I long for that sense of epiphany again. 

Additionally, I've had a few personal milestones. For one, I'm finally able to drive on my own after having a Class 3 driving's licence for more than half a decade (thank you, me or really, my dad who decided I should be driving), I had the chance to sit at the adult table at work (pretty fun) and I rekindled with an old hobby of mine. I learned to rest, like, completely doing utter nothingness kind of rest.

I learned how to focus on what was important to me, oxymoronically this was a hard topic for me, it was hard to realise for that matter. It felt for a period of time, I was really going through the motion, I had a personal fear that I would wind up becoming that half-hearted lazy person I was during my adolescent years.. that I didn't live up to my potential, that I was afraid of having lost years again. Perhaps I got too carried away with that thought, to a point it got exhausting. 

What or who am I trying to prove? Honestly, no one really gives a ****.

In the short span of 2021, there were quite a number of key lessons I've picked up. I thought I would document them in this space in case I would like to revisit them again (God knows I never ever read my handwritten journals, ever, thanks to ugly handwriting).

1) A tool is only useful if you know how to use it

Saw this on my friend's blog, and dang it was true af. In such a fast paced era we live that has been becoming increasingly competitive, there's this fear of having to stay relevant and marketable. I've seen "coding"," data scientist", "learning language" getting thrown around as if everyone has to be a complete expert in order to stay relevant. Heck, no. From what I've learned, yes they are important but if there's no application, they are as good as obsolete. These newly acquired skills get stashed at the back of your brain, waiting to be forgotten. You kinda just need enough to do what you need (then learn from there) or to properly communicate with others on these topics.

2) The answers are never and will never will be black and white

(FYI. I'm not talking about math here if you think I'm referring to 1+1=2.)

I don't know if it's because of Singaporean's education system or my personal fear to view failure as wasted time, but truly, there's a need to experience that sense of falling short in order to fully understand and appreciate progress. As I've constantly mentioned to myself (excuse the amount of reminders I need to tell myself), there will never be a cookie cutter solution. I've seen it and done it in both my work and personal life, attempting to bring in a "model solution" into a company only to realise that the real world does not work that way, trying to imitate the regimes of people who succeeded in certain things. I somehow always end up falling short or faring worse than I initially did. To a large extent, having an initial set of instructions does help, but allowing yourself to fail and flexible allows for better conclusions (God, sometimes I love that I was an Arts student in uni). As the yogis put it, everyone is on their own journey.

3) Spaced consistency is key

Having that space to breathe and rest allows for sustainability and rekindled motivation. Allow a state complete rest and to work on frivolous things - many have coined this as "self care". Even more so, new and better ideas can even come from here.

To conclude, I guess, as with us physically, the state of mind is ever changing. Be it as it may, there's no one logical answer to answer life's questions. How do we logically answer everything we do/choose? and if we chose to do something and decide that our answers had changed later, should we be ridiculed just because it is not what we initially sought out to do? No. Our external environment is constantly changing, thoughts are constantly evolving, ever changing. If I said something now, perhaps in a few years things may change, just as we gain new knowledge and perspective. Perhaps this is how human kind has progressed, resulting in the undulated views of life across different generations. In all honesty, this conclusion is a tough one for me to swallow. Yet, somehow there is a beauty in it, in a way that you will always have that chance to choose, to rest, to rediscover.. Alright I'm not going to be all philosophical here but the point is, life is a journey not a destination. 

Ok back to watching and reading Coraline theories online and why Chinese women did foot binding in the past (ugh)... 

Goodnight.