I've been painting a lot recently. Time and time again, I feel like I should take my hobby a little more seriously.. well not too seriously.. somewhat seriously.
Perhaps I should start working on those collaborations requests freelance work and earn some extra pocket money.
Decided to start a portfolio site for the fun of it :)
I've been doing my own personal reflecting in my sketchbook lately and it's has been both tedious and therapeutic so far. It's been an avenue for me to be extremely fluid with my thoughts, giving me that liberty to make stupid errors, be unstructured, be a complete mess and go haywire with my thoughts. A space away from the eyes of society.
Ironically, being able to pen down my thoughts fluidly removes the mental mess I have in my brain. It's weird. I also find myself finding joy in flipping through pages of my sketchbook and seeing how far I've come. It somehow serves as a reminder that both good and bad times come and go, nothing really stays the same unless you think that way. This too shall pass.
There's also something different about writing things down in pen/pencil/watever as compared to just typing words out, the mind somehow comes to a slow. I tend to be more mindful when it comes to physically writing words out. It somehow draws you to be in the present and stay focus - maybe due to the fact it takes more time to write every letter out? There's more intent.
Ok I'm pretty tired of writing this entry already haha and yea what's a sketchbook without some random sketches, here's a few random doodles I've done here and there over the course of October and November :)
Side note, managed to work on some random admin tasks in my life today that I've been putting off lately feels quite nize. Goodnight!
This entry was inspired by an earlier conversation with Jing Ting during our typical Yishun Park Hawker Centre breakfast meet up :P We were talking about what we would have done differently back in uni if we did not have the constraints we had then and with the knowledge we had now.
My immediate answer was that I would have done much more at the very start if I hadn't chosen architecture (archi) as my major initially - have a campus life, joined more extra curricular activities, planned my modules better, travelled more, picked up a third language etc. - be that typical undergrad.
Yet, on second thought, I realized how the grind in that single semester eventually shaped my thinking today and brought about many positive qualities I have that I could have never gotten if I majored in economics from the start. I sum them up into three simple key takeaways:
More grit - I'm going to make a super bias standpoint here: no major is as crazy as architecture (or design major for that matter lol).
For one, pulling off a few days of all-nighters were a norm and the hard work never translated to results. It's no one's fault, design (and even life) is subjective and you just can't please everyone. I learn to accept failures better and more quickly and move on.
It also taught me that sometimes it's better to scrape an idea in entirety than waste your efforts trying to salvage it. Ideas should be tested but sometimes they just don't work and that's totally okay.
When work gets hard, I like to tell myself "nothing is harder than going through architecture (kudos to all my friends who completed the degree lol)"
Develop a visual mindset - as fluffy as it sound, this has become heavily ingrained in so many things I do.
Work wise, I find it amazing how tiny tweaks on colours and text in an email or powerpoint presentation can affect the message you're sending across to your audience.
Personal life wise, it helped me appreciate the idea of minimalism and organise my space better :)
A hobby - I guess I still love the major in some way but not enough to pursue it as a profession :P I like painting buildings and landscapes of places whenever I'm overseas. I find it really satisfying how I'm able to keep a tangible record of my works and see how far I've come since I first started.
Here's some I did over the few weeks :)
Also a huge huge plus: I wouldn't have met my landlords if not for architecture and relate to them on such an intrinsic level hehe.
I guess it's always easy to brush off our past in a way that we wish we could have done more or better. Yet at that very moment, it could very well be something that you had to do in order to become who you are today. At the end, for me, it's how you use these past experiences to make more informed decisions in the present, be it for better or for worse. I would very well choose the former.
As with everyone, Jing Ting had her own "could haves", one of which was to go on student exchange twice, but if she did, she wouldn't have met this very awesome person - me! - HAHA ok I kid about the awesome part. Likewise, I wouldn't have met her :)
Aaaaand that's a wrap for my 30-day challenge - a huge sigh of relief for me. dang, doing the 30-day challenge TWICE (how even!) is admittedly super difficult on top of all the other essential commitments out there.
I have yet to upload all of my works on Instagram @duringtryingtimes - I'm trying spruce things up on my Instagram - but I've already put it out there on Facebook.
As mentioned on Facebook, I actually only completed the final 12 pieces of my additional 30-day challenge on the second last day of the circuit breaker period - on a Sunday - which resulted in a very terrible backache. I stopped working on my 30-day challenge on day 18, the 12 other works were done solely driven by the aim to complete the entire 30 because I knew I needed a break. I'm glad I made the call lest I burn out.
If I had any takeaway from this, it is that it goes to show how sometimes you have to listen to your state of mind and additionally, how having an objective or deadline in mind can go a long way - that weird sense of urgency that drives you to finish what you started. While I am still a huge believer of small steps, the last-minute strategy worked for me this time. If I've learned something from this or something from my life experiences thus far, there is never one way/one model solution to finish what you started, sometimes you have to adapt and improve on the best approach based on circumstances - we are after all a work in progress.
Anyway, similar as before, here are my favourite pieces :)
It's the end of May. For me it has month of countless reflections than taking action. Trying to understand myself a little bit harder and better. especially when it came to the exposure, attention and noise from the media.
Sometimes I count myself lucky have grown up in a time where media is not omnipresent in our time - a time when I was trying to find my own identity I was not poisoned by the illusion of "perfection". I still struggle with it but at least I am aware.
I mean, media and mass communication have always been omnipresent but it was not as automatic as what it is today. You had to reach for a certain medium to obtain information in order to see what was going on in someone's life or in other parts of the world. Now most media is almost automatically sent to you - whether you want to see it or not - in a single ping of notification from the phone - a device we use almost every single second of the day.
This availability of instantaneous content is a huge double edge sword. On one hand, we can create safety and awareness of things to take necessary actions quickly, yet - in the other - cause the creation of unwanted chaos and over caution around the world.
As cliche as it already is, widespread availability of content creates useful sources for inspiration for individuals to follow their role models yet creates the feeling envy of what is seen as a perfect life.
It allows an unheard voice to be heard yet amplifies past and current failures leaving with a stinging record of past mistakes.
As much as we filter out the contents we want to see and hear, it is almost unavoidable to come across that unpleasant feeling because the content is so god-damn available.
At end of the day, I guess as an individual, only you can control what your mind wants to feel and take in. I think in some sense, it's always nice to know the intention behind the creation of a certain content - the message the creator is trying to bring. For the individual, it is up to the person's discretion on how the content should be internalised.
Everyone is a content creator sharing their opinions, reposts and their lives on media. I'm no chivalry when it comes to sharing the type of content and only parts of my life I want to show. Yet, in some way, while I hope to share methods that have helped shaped my life for the better in terms of motivation and productivity. I hope to be brave enough to be relatable as well - that yes I am also human - to be a person that can share some the authenticity of my own failures with little repercussions.
I like this video by Jenny Mustard where she shares about herself being a liar in the most content curated way - sums up nicely the whole purpose of her own content in her channel :)
I've been feeling a little bit more jaded lately - probably because of the entire circuit breaker saga -and been finding myself painting and sketching a little bit more than usual. I think I've been bit more experimental than I used to be, learning to derive joy in the details rather than scrummaging through due to the limitations of time, it's nice but sometimes it gets a little bit boring lol.
It feels like this circuit breaker focused too much on the physical side of health and have disregarded the social and mental well-being part of life. While I would say I'm pretty blessed to find things I enjoy doing - though it can get really aimless now and then - I can't help but wonder what others are feeling to keep occupied - I mean other than baking and working out of course.
and it's back to another weekend that doesn't feel like the weekends.
To be completely frank: at this point in time, I really miss going outdoors, travelling, having a social life (that is not virtual), taking walks without having to wear a mask. I started getting lethargic following a routine and miss some bits of spontaneity when it comes to going out. I decided to translate all these into an old hobby of mine - sketching landscapes.
I used to scoff art and hated it for being one of my "talents" because in school, it's always about sports and non-visual arts. While I did eventually do some form of sport in school and found joy in it even til now (I'm really bummed about how the sundown marathon isn't going to happen this week), art really stood the test of time.
It's now where I find solace, develop patience and appreciate the little details. It's funny how somehow within my life so far, everything comes into full circle. I do not really market myself as the "artsy" type - there are so many talented individuals out there - but I think I'm doing pretty okay with it. I guess in some way it brings me joy to a state of flow that allows me to forget time and space.
I think what they say is true about having a niche in the active, creative and work side of your life, it really works out pretty well.
Additionally, it's also really nice to see progress/how far you've come looking at old sketchbooks - I think I started this "hobby" in 2014? Those sketches looked really bad as compared to what I'm doing now. haha.
what can I say, 2019 was whacked. a year of new discoveries, a new level of anxiety both socially and physically, a year of challenges and learning. if I were to sum up how I felt by the end of the year - I completely burned out. completely. I refused to meet anyone, speak to anyone and social interaction just terrified me. I'm tired of comments, f*** them. I'm that typical millennial that's wants to do everything but end up killing her own mental and physical health for it, yes I'm that kind of person. it feels like there's this unspoken obligation to live your best life but you end up being caught in that paper chase, that rat race you forget how to live in the present, take small steps and accept failures. I was off grid.
I want to be able to find a space of solitude again, people I would like to hang out with; whom I feel comfortable with, live in the present, be much more selfish in a positive way and take less control of my life. sit back, relax, put your feet up and take a break.
I know I've posted some of these pictures before, but I would just like to add on a few additional piece I did this year to complete an amalgamation of what I've done in an entire year - for retrospecting purposes in the future :)
wow feels like my photography and composition skills improved over the year haha
