(I don't really have a proper title for this entry.)
I grew up having loathed the idea of small common sensical changes as if they were all some woo-woo gibberish. I found myself constantly seeking towards the end goal, the big picture yet somehow still falling short of my expectations. Unfocused, ever-changing, unsure. A similar very human experience that one would go through at some point in his/her life.
As with many this year has been a year of self exploration. I realised how living in the present, being grateful and being self-aware can make a whole world of a difference, especially when it comes tiding through the bad times and the negative thoughts. It still fascinates me how a simple change in the decision you make in your head can create such a ripple effect to the course of decisions you make subsequently. It seems so simple yet somehow I find myself only realising it during my adulthood (heh. late to the game).
Anyway, upon some reflection, I feel like these were 3 very tiny changes I did that made me so much more whole as a person - sometimes I question how I can be this positive (disclaimer: not every time ok....) lmao.
(1) Hanging out with people who mattered, who radiated positivity and spending quality time with them.
As cliche as it sounds you are the average of the people you mix around with in itself is so true. I felt this pivotal change in my mental well being and outlook when I took the step to be more intentional with the people I hung out with. This felt so silly because it was so simple but it was so life changing. With the right support, bad days can instantly change to moderately okay days, filled with ideas to resolve problems properly and opportunities to make days ahead better. (I low-key hope people around me feel the same way lol.)
Also the quality of time spent with people. I observed many of us (myself included) tending to "multitask" on our phones and conversing, only being 30-60% present when spending time with people, making out to be 80-100% absent. Are we rushing for a text that could wait, checking an email that wasn't urgent or looking at social media for that punch of dopamine? Will it hurt if we spent less time on our phone and be present when we share time with people? In this fast-paced environment, we wait to rush and rush to wait. We disconnect to connect. Perhaps conversations we have would be more meaningful, time spent to be more efficient, and discussions to be be much more fruitful.
(2) Having a consistent hobby
Weird but I never knew how having a hobby can make you a much more interesting person haha. I tend to talk about my work a lot because I find it interesting.. (lol..) but it's nice to also be able to share the things we do out of work. It's mysteriously therapeutic to refine your skills for some reason, especially at one's own pace - sometimes I wish I was little more patient with myself. Additionally, having personal goals with no social obligation to finish it feels so damn liberating ^_^ It permits an open form of escapism from the real world to show the real world.
I remembered Jing Ting shared an article about how every "skill" in contemporary times has to be a "side hustle" hustle or "monetised", in the midst of it, we lost the true joy of doing something wholeheartedly. Maybe we still are able to do that but only if we are truly immersed in the things we enjoy initially.
(3) Being alone and self acceptance
Self acceptance and learning to be alone. While this is a constant struggle for me, being able to accept myself and feeling comfortable under my own skin gave me more courage and provided clarity in the things I wanted to do. I digress, I feel like a ghost in a horror movie stuck in the real world due to unresolved issues while typing this lol.
Learning to spend time in moments of full solitude made me think more intently and enjoy the moments of being human. While it definitely intensified feelings of negativity, I think this in itself was a necessity to fight my internal battles that I've kept swept under the carpet for a long time. I learned how to deal with myself. I learn to take the courage walk away from people and things that did not spark joy in my life (this phrase is now permanently associated with Marie Kondo - marketing done right lol).
I remembered Jessica sending me this indie-ish video where a stranger narrated how it's truly like to be alone many years back, I can't remember it exactly but it had a really beautifully craft voice over, I felt it :)
Having said all these, I'm still a work in progress, I'll never stop learning.
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